I hope you're a girl. Or a boy.

I hope you're a girl. Girls are so pretty. I'd get to do your hair in braids, ponytails, pigtails, curls, down, up, sideways, and the occasional mohawk (gotta have that embarassing picture for the first boyfriend). I'd dress you up in frilly things and pink things and things that say "Princess" on them. I'd give you stuffed ponies and Rainbow Brites and Jem dolls (because Jem was a strong woman... cartoon). I wouldn't have to decide whether or not to circumcise you. I'd get to experience buying your first bra, your first feminine product, your first earrings. I get to teach you how to put on makeup (if, of course, you want to wear makeup - if not, that's fine too). I get to watch you turn your stoic, level-headed, even-keeled Daddy into a lump of spineless goo which you will then pick up and wrap around your little finger - this, of course, will happen the first time you say "Daddy." I'd watch you grow up into an independent, self-respecting and well-respected woman who shows love and peace to every person alive. I hear girls are easier to raise as children.

I hope you're a boy. Boys are so adorable. I'd get to do your hair in all kinds of ways. I'd mohawk you, crew cut you, and maybe once, before I cut your hair completely, totally mullet you - just for the quintessential embarassing picture. I'd put sailor outfits on you, Saints jersies, camouflauge onesies, and maybe once or twice, a cowboy outfit, complete with a little Stetson and bolo. I'll never have to worry about you going somewhere dressed like a tramp. I'd get to watch your daddy teach you how to play football and golf... wait, who am I kidding. Scratch that. That's what Uncle Seth is for. I'd get to watch your Daddy teach you how to dismantle a hard drive and play Magic the Gathering. I'd reserve the special treat of teaching you how to burp. Well, that's if you're a boy or a girl. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little girl burp every once in a while. Most importantly, I'd watch you grow into an independent, self-respecting, well-respected man who, above all else, treats women how he would want his mom to be treated. And I hear boys are easier to raise when they're teenagers.

So after all that, I definitely want you to be a boy. Or a girl. No, a boy. Well, maybe a girl.

Heck, I just hope you're a baby.

You're one tiny source of worry

Granny's Human Development textbook says you're less than an inch in size, but boy, do you know how to make your mommy worry. I slowed down on telling people that you're coming last week because of everything that's happened. Where shall I start?

Dr. M told me that my hcg isn't doubling the way it's supposed to. That could mean nothing, and it's actually doubling a little quicker than it was before, but it could also mean you actually are hanging around in my fallopian tube. And it seems like you're too warm or something, because that blood coming out sure isn't a good sign. I'd love it if you could quit doing that. If you stop, I'll give you a dollar. What's that, two bribes, and you're not even born yet. I'm a stellar mommy. :)

Now there was one thing that definitely wasn't your fault, but BOY was it worrisome. Thursday night, I started having this absolutely awful pain in my lower abdomen. That's also when more bleeding started. The pain felt a lot like the kidney stone I had back in May, but the accompanying bleeding was very scary. I thought for sure I was losing you, which was devastating me. After a call to Granny and a call to the doctor's office, it was decided I would take a bath, and since I wasn't bleeding too heavily, I wasn't going to have to go to the doctor. The bath made the pain go away for the most part - enough to where I could go to sleep. The next morning, after a follow-up call to the doctor's office, I went to the bathroom and saw the remnants of a kidney stone. Sure enough. OUCH.

The nurse said I should still be laying or sitting down all weekend. Funny story - your Granny stayed over last night in what will be your room soon, and after a deee-lish evening at the Cracker Barrel, we decided to go to Kroger for ice cream. Since it's been decided that I can't do a whole lot of my own walking around, Granny and Daddy decided I had to use the wheelchair. Mommy sure looked silly. After I almost knocked down the pumpkin pie display, I decided I'd just walk. I walked lightly, and didn't do the jumping jacks I normally do in the grocery store aisles.

Oh! And I had my first weird pregnancy food yesterday. Daddy, Aunt Alanna, and I got pizza Thursday night. For lunch yesterday, I decided to have leftover cold pepperoni pizza with raisins on top. That's right, raisins. And it was GOOD. It's not too weird - honestly, people have pineapples on their pizzas all the time... right? :) Hey, if my pregnancy food is raisins, that's just fiiiine with me.

I might (MIGHT) be able to see you this Thursday. You're not much yet, but you might just be a blip on the sonogram. I can't WAIT. Hopefully they don't really mean it when they say they won't give me a picture until 20 weeks... Your mommy's pretty charismatic sometimes - I wonder if they'll change their mind with a Washington or two in the mix.

I'll write more often, kiddo. I love you!

GoodNIGHT

You are tuckering me out, little one. I took a 3-hour nap today (even though Daddy said it was only a 1.5-hour nap because I'm sleeping for two now - yeah, your Daddy's a funny guy) and I'm still tired. Of course, Granny Hop says it could be all the excitement of the last month and a half or so and now I'm crashing, but whatever it is, I'm sleepy.

I think you're implanting right now. At least, I hope that's what all that bleeding is. The ultrasound technician said she saw the ruptured follicle that the egg that's turning into you came from in my ovary. That's pretty neat. Also, there are no masses on my fallopian tubes, so you're not chillin' there. Thanks for not taking that detour. The doctor said my endometrium is thickened, so that means you're burrowing yourself in there somewhere. Dig deep, sweet child!

I have to go back for another blood test on Monday, just to make sure the hormone that's letting me know you're there (hcg) is increasing. It's at 77 right now, it needs to be in the thousands before I see a picture of you.

I'm still waiting to get in touch with your great grandma Peggy before I talk about you on our website. I can't wait to tell her, she's going to be so excited.

OH! And I forgot something. Not only are you making me hungry and sleepy, I'm forgetting a lot lately. Maybe I'll take some smart pills for both our benefits. I forgot to tell you how your Grandma Barbara reacted! Daddy and I got on the phone with her and she started talking about the "babies" (your furry brothers and sister) and I said "Funny you should mention, because you're going to be a grandma again!" She said "You're getting another cat?" "No." "You mean you're pregnant?" "Yep!" "Oh, you're kidding me!" She's a little scared that she won't be able to hold you though, even though you're still at least (I hope) another 8 months away and she should definitely get her cast off by then. She's giving us a crib for you that was built in 1928! I don't doubt that her father made it very sturdy, but I'll definitely have to check it out - I'm not putting you in ANYTHING that might be even the slightest bit unsafe for you. Maybe I can find a child safety expert.

My friend Kelli told me I should sing the ABC's and "Jesus Loves Me" to you every night. It might be overkill right now, but her kid's pretty darn smart. I know you'll be a genius (between my fashion and social skills and Daddy's intelligence, I'd say you have a pretty good chance of being the smartest kid ever), but every little bit helps.

Although my singing's not the best... Cover your little ears if it's too bad. I know you don't have ears yet - tell you what. If my singing's REALLY bad, you can kick me really hard when you have feet! Deal?

Goodnight, little one. I'll talk to you soon! I love you!

Mommy

Thank goodness for cheap long distance!

This morning, I called the doctor's office because I had decided on a doctor for you, and he told me that the blood test came back positive! You're really in there! I can't believe it, I'm sorry. I hope you don't feel neglected, but I don't think I'll believe you're in there until I see you coming out. I've wanted to be a mommy since I was 8 years old. I remember thinking, "I'll get married when I'm 23, have a baby when I'm 24, and die when I'm 103." Of course I want more babies, and other than the fact that your Daddy and I were married when I was 20, I'll be right on track!

So I called so... many... people today. I was probably on the phone for 4 hours, with all different people. I got lots and lots of advice. Here's some of what I got so far:

Drink milk - Aunt Stacy
Drink orange juice - Angie, Aunt Stacy
Eat broccoli (so it'll be a boy) - Rob
Take multi-vitamins w/extra folic acid - Aunt Stacy
Don't let your mother in law stay with you - Aunt Stacy
Get ultrasounds recorded on video - Aunt Stacy
Buy Kiss it Simple Series (KISS) for pregnancy - Aunt Stacy
Buy Pregnancy for Dummies on DVD - Aunt Stacy
Buy What to Expect When You're Expecting - Aunt Stacy, Chris, Terri, Kelli, Kelly, Nancy, Leona, someone else I'm forgetting. I know there were 8 people who told me to buy it.
Don't buy What to Expect when You're Expecting - Jennifer
No heavy lifting - Aunt Cindy
Let Drew do all the work - Aunt Cindy
No long trips in a truck - Aunt Cindy
Relax, enjoy the ride - Kitty
Eat grits - Aunt Stacy
Rest as much as possible... you'll never rest again - Terri
Don't buy every gadget on the market - Terri
Take a mother shopping with you so you don't buy useless stuff - Terri
Drew avoid speed bumps - Kelli
No wipe warmers - Kelli
Don't neglect husband - Kelli
Make sure he takes care of you - Kelli
Don't neglect Drew - Joyce
Keep soda water and Saltines nearby - Joyce
Don't clean the bathroom - Joyce
Eat what you want - Kelly (who is different from Kelli - not a typo)

All in all, very sage advice from very wise women that I trust greatly. I talked to a whoooole lot of people who you will call your aunts and uncles, and who are almost as close to me as your real aunts and uncle, but are only my friends. They are all VERY excited, though, and can't wait to meet you. You are going to be the first grandbaby for my parents, the first niece or nephew for two aunts and your uncle, and the first baby out of all my New Orleans friends. Suffice it to say, you are going to be SO loved and juuuuust a little spoiled.

I made a few people cry today! Terri, Leslie, and Veronica all just lost it. Especially Terri. Aunt Terri has seen me go through all the fears of infertility over the last couple years, and has prayed her heart out for me. So me telling her this was quite possibly the best news she's had in several months. We're all just so excited to see you, and we love you so much.

Also, I found out how old you are today! The doctor also ordered a quantitative hcg test on my blood, which finds out the level of the pregnancy hormone in my blood. I can't believe you're only 2 weeks along! If that's really true, which it obviously is because surely my blood can't lie, then you were conceived on September 29th and you should be born June 29th, 2005 or thereabouts. At least that's what Aunt Terri calculated.

Right now, I'm just feeling tired. I guess it could possibly have something to do with it being 12:30 in the morning, but who knows. :) I've been pretty tired all day, but I did go work out. I might just lose some weight while I'm pregnant with you, unless you give me crazy cravings! Other than that, my only pregnancy symptoms or signs are a little gas and just being so tired. Granny says the sleepiness could be from the past couple of hectic weeks, and I'm just crashing. I prefer to think it's because of you. :)

I have my first appointment at the OB's office tomorrow. Dr. Brewer (my current primary care physician) says that normally, women who are two weeks along don't necessarily need to see an OB, and he's probably overreacting, but my history of PCOS does give him a tiny bit of concern. Not too bad, though. We'll see tomorrow! I sure wish I could get a picture of you.

Goodnight for now! I love you!

Hi little one!

I just found out about you last night, so I thought I'd start writing to you for both of our benefits, so I don't forget anything and you know everything.

So Friday morning, I saw a little spotting. It continued Saturday, which worried me a little, so I called your Granny Hop for advice. Cousin Veronica was in town, and she kept saying I was pregnant, so I asked your Granny Hop what her symptoms were. "Do your boobs hurt?" she asked. "Only when I press on them really hard," I answered. She said then that I wasn't pregnant, because Smith women have really sore breasts when they're pregnant, and that's how they know. Well, oddly enough, they started hurting the very next day. I mentioned it to Cousin Veronica, and she was pretty happy because she just knew she was right. I shushed her, because I honestly thought I was infertile.

What a wonderful weekend. Your Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Frank were married, and Aunt Jennifer was so beautiful. Her dress was gorgeous, her hair and makeup flawless. She was just radiant. I can't wait to show you pictures. You're in them, somewhere! I've always looked up to your Aunt Jennifer, and I know you will too.

I dropped Cousin Veronica off at the airport on Monday at about 4:00 pm. I started driving home, and got stuck in Hammond because I locked my keys in my car! Woops! It took AAA about 45 minutes to get there. After that, I drove through the worst rain I have ever seen, fearing for my life the whole way. Had I only known you were in there, I would have stopped in Kentwood to wait the storm out!

The whole time home, I kept feeling my breasts. I have to wonder how many people between Sunday and today have seen me feeling myself up!

I got home, spent some time with your Daddy, checked my e-mail, and waited till your Daddy was asleep before I came to bed.

I decided, "why not? I'll take a pregnancy test. Maybe, if it comes out negative, all these psychosomatic symptoms will go away.

I opened the test, a Clearblue Easy, did my business, and waited for the horizontal bar to come up and say I wasn't pregnant. Well, the horizontal bar came up - but so did a vertical one.

I cannot begin to express how shocked I was. SHOCKED. The moment I've wanted my whole life, and here it is. No way. Really??

I ran into the bedroom and woke your poor daddy up with "Honey! Wake up! Look at this! Wake up! Honey, wake UP!" Daddy sat up, looking pretty scared (he later told me he thought I'd found a spider for him to kill - not that Daddy's afraid of spiders). He looked at me, looked at the test, looked at me, looked at the test, then said something that I won't repeat to you till you're much older.

I could tell he was pretty happy. Obviously!! He has a pretty nasty cold right now, so we didn't do a lot of hugging, but we did a lot of laughing. You are going to be part of a very funny household, since your Daddy and I are walking senses of humor. We also mulled over names. Here are some of the ones we've talked about so far:

Andrew Clarence (the 4th)
Andrew John (after Daddy and Grandpa)
Sandra Grace
Elizabeth Renee
Landry Rose

Those are just so far. We'll let you know the outcome! :)

So after talking a while, we finally went to sleep.

This morning, I woke up and ran to Eckerd's, although my eyeballs were floating. I bought $50 worth of pregnancy tests, ran home, and took 3 of them. Another Clearblue Easy, a First Response, and an EPT digital readout. Okay, maybe I didn't need to pay $15 for the digital readout one, but it was COOL! Sure enough, the Clearblue Easy had a plus sign, the First Response had two vertical lines, and the EPT digital readout said "Pregnant."

I called your Daddy right away and said "Four tests in front of me are telling me you're going to be a daddy!" We celebrated and talked a little more. Then, I had a little happy breakdown. I thanked God like a crazy woman, dropped to my knees, cried a little. I am so happy. I decided to call your Granny Hop. (By the way, the name she wants to be called may change in the next 9 months, so be prepared.)

I said "Mommy? This may be the worst day possible to tell you this (she was supposed to have 2 midterms), but you know how you said my breasts would be sore if I'm pregnant? Well, my breasts are sore and 4 pregnancy tests can't be wrong!" Silence. Then "Stacey. Stacey. Stacey. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Funny stuff. :) We talked for a little while, and she started to get dizzy and needed to pull over! Poor Granny. We talked some more, she screamed a few more times, it was really exciting. She's so happy and will be a WONDERFUL grandma!

Then I tried to call your Grandpa John and Grandma Vicki. And tried. And tried. And tried! I left a message.

Then I called your Paw-Paw. I said "It's a shame Drew's initals aren't D.A.D. (for my tattoo.)" "Why?" "Because I'm pregnant." "WHAT?!" "I'm pregnant!" He started giggling and congratulating me. You're gonna love him.

FINALLY your Grandpa John called back. I guess I had woken him and Grandma Vicki up. Oops! I said "I don't know how else to tell you this, but... I'm pregnant!!" You'd have to know your Grandpa John, but he's very stoic unless he's mad. I don't think he said much more than "Huh. That's great." Don't worry - he's going to love you to pieces and be the coolest grandpa ever. His lack of reaction is not indicative of him not being excited, he's just... Grandpa John.

He handed the phone off to Grandma Vicki then. I asked if she had had her morning cup of coffee yet, and she said she hadn't as much as had a sip. I told her to take a big one, because she's going to be a grandma. I can't be sure, but I think she sputtered a little bit, and then said "Gracious." By the way, you might have to call them John and Vicki for a few years. I don't think they've adjusted to the idea of having adult daughters yet - let alone being grandparents!

Next was Aunt Jennifer. She returned my call, poor thing at the end of her honeymoon. I told her I needed some advice. I had a friend whose sister just got married too, and she just found out she was pregnant. She doesn't want to tell her sister for fear she might steal her thunder or something. Aunt Jennifer said "Is this one of those things where your friend is really you? "Yeah." Gasp. SSSHHHRRRIIIIEEEEKKKK!!!!! I think she screamed louder than your Granny. I mean, she pierced my ear. I guess Uncle Frank gave her a nasty look, because then she said "Stacey's pregnant." We talked about you for a little while longer, and talked about her honeymoon. I talked to Uncle Frank for a second. I'm telling you what, kiddo, those two are going to love you like nobody's business. Jennifer is just *made* for aunt-hood.

Next was Aunt Alanna. I called her and said, "You know how we thought Jennifer would be the first to get pregnant? Yeah, that's not gonna happen. " Aunt Alanna couldn't shriek, but I could tell she wanted to. She said "Are you serious?" and started crying. She's one of the reasons you'll have a healthy childhood - she's taken enough classes to be my advisor! She's so excited - I think she's going to try to hold you more than I do!

Then, Uncle Seth. As you may know, he's only 16 right now. He was watching baseball, I think, and I told him that he should be watching a show called "How to be an uncle." He said "Why?" "Because you're going to be one!" "REALLY?" I haven't heard Uncle Seth's voice crack in a very, very long time, but it cracked for the rest of the conversation. Funny stuff. He'll be the one responsible for any camoflauge you wear during your life. I promise.

Last, but not least, and hardest to reach, was Aunt Amanda. I called her at a friend's house, and she said she was holding a baby, and I said "How apropos, because I'm gonna have one!" "YOU ARE!??" She's so happy! Her other older sister has 2 children, and her stepbrother has a baby, so you won't be her first niece or nephew, but you'll be her cutest. :) Okay, a LITTLE bias.

So that was all of my immediate family. I'll tell everyone else tomorrow when I have the blood tests back!

This will definitely be my longest letter to you. This is tuckering me out!

Right now, I don't know how old you are. I think you're anywhere between 2 and 6 weeks, but Granny thinks you're about 8 or 9 weeks. We'll see. The blood tests might be able to tell me how old you are! If not, we'll have a sonogram. Truth be told, I want a sonogram - I can't wait to see you!

Okay, that's it for tonight. I love you so much. I don't feel you, see you, know you - but I love you. More than you will ever understand, unless you're a girl and will be a mommy. Goodnight, sweet one!