I hope you're a girl. Or a boy.

I hope you're a girl. Girls are so pretty. I'd get to do your hair in braids, ponytails, pigtails, curls, down, up, sideways, and the occasional mohawk (gotta have that embarassing picture for the first boyfriend). I'd dress you up in frilly things and pink things and things that say "Princess" on them. I'd give you stuffed ponies and Rainbow Brites and Jem dolls (because Jem was a strong woman... cartoon). I wouldn't have to decide whether or not to circumcise you. I'd get to experience buying your first bra, your first feminine product, your first earrings. I get to teach you how to put on makeup (if, of course, you want to wear makeup - if not, that's fine too). I get to watch you turn your stoic, level-headed, even-keeled Daddy into a lump of spineless goo which you will then pick up and wrap around your little finger - this, of course, will happen the first time you say "Daddy." I'd watch you grow up into an independent, self-respecting and well-respected woman who shows love and peace to every person alive. I hear girls are easier to raise as children.

I hope you're a boy. Boys are so adorable. I'd get to do your hair in all kinds of ways. I'd mohawk you, crew cut you, and maybe once, before I cut your hair completely, totally mullet you - just for the quintessential embarassing picture. I'd put sailor outfits on you, Saints jersies, camouflauge onesies, and maybe once or twice, a cowboy outfit, complete with a little Stetson and bolo. I'll never have to worry about you going somewhere dressed like a tramp. I'd get to watch your daddy teach you how to play football and golf... wait, who am I kidding. Scratch that. That's what Uncle Seth is for. I'd get to watch your Daddy teach you how to dismantle a hard drive and play Magic the Gathering. I'd reserve the special treat of teaching you how to burp. Well, that's if you're a boy or a girl. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little girl burp every once in a while. Most importantly, I'd watch you grow into an independent, self-respecting, well-respected man who, above all else, treats women how he would want his mom to be treated. And I hear boys are easier to raise when they're teenagers.

So after all that, I definitely want you to be a boy. Or a girl. No, a boy. Well, maybe a girl.

Heck, I just hope you're a baby.